|Friday, September 29th, 2006|
This weekend I'm going to visit this fox i met on the bus the other day, she lives an hour away but that's cool because she is hot as hell. She's a model, she was in that one BBQ Swifty's commercial (well that's what she said but I haven't seen the commercial yet). She also did some stuff for Vicoria Secrets but I haven't seen that yet either. I'm hoping to get to see a private model show of that if you know what I mean heh heh. I met her on the corner while I was waiting for the downtown bus, she was real friendly and seemed really interested in me. I'm gonna loan her $500 bucks until she gets that check from Victoria Secrets. I'm staying with her and her roommate Guido for the weekend, he's in business for himself and I guess makes boco dinero, he also manages her career. I thought I saw him the other night getting into the back of a cop car but it couldn't have been him becaUse Tiffany (the fox I met) said he was in Swedan for business, he is one of the sharpest dressers I have ever seen, he wears bright purple overcoats with really fancy hats and sometimes has a cane to complete the ensemble. He's a cool cat but don't talk too close to his face or else he gets mad, he's just the private type I guess.
I can't wait to see Tiffany, she promised if I take her out to a fancy restaurant she'll get me next time, Guido has to come too but that's cool.
More details when I get back! WHOOOOPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
|Monday, August 14th, 2006|
Me and Justin are gonna start a new bike gang and call it The Huffy Industry. I'm using my sister's old Huffy bike, my uncle Petey has a sweet old Lexus motor and we're gonn stick that sucker in it and watch it go! Petey is my rich uncle who just got out of the Big House from down in Texas, they nabbed him for writing a few bad checks at Walmart, it was only for a few dozen soft pretzels, rope, duct tape, a video camera and a machete oh and I forgot about the twizlers. That dumb 'ol coot wAs on his way accross the macon dixon line when he was nabbed. He's my favorite uncle cuz he lets me and my cousin watch Girls Gone Wild and Trailor Park Sex Trilogy he's even good for some of that sweet concoction of fermented apples and sugar water. I don't care none that you have to go out side to use the bathroom, he swears he's got a ton of loot locked up in a bank somewhere in Swaziland or Switserland or something and I believe him cuz he walks the walk. One time I woke up at his trailor and a few days have passed and I am only wearing my super maN cape and dirty skivvies, he told me I had a good time with some friends of his old lady and I'll take his word for it. I just wish my nuts would stop burning, must be the moonshine.
Me and Justin are only gonna let cool people join our biker gang and to those faygs in Hooterville County,you caN just lick our bungs! That's absolutely the last time I will fall for the old, "hey Peter I know a really hot chick that has a huge crush on you and she wants you to take her to the dance this weekend" the last chick was so fat and wouldn't shut her big trap about how she took the hog callen blue ribbon at the county fair for the last few years. slut. I know where I like my bread buttered and it by no fat chick that has a nack for callen hogs.
More to come later on The Huffy Industry, we will be a force to be reckoned with. Gotta go now, one of my ants is about to lay eggs and I wanna take pickchures of it. Not to make a porno or anything. Current Mood: creative
|Thursday, July 20th, 2006|
Whew! long time no blog. Oh how I miss you dear journal, my bestest friend.
It's been a long hot summer so far. Getting to be a camp counseler at Camp Rising Star was a total blast! Justin ripped on me because it's a camp for fat kids but I know he was just jealous ha ha!
I met this really hot camper while there and we had a sweet summer romance. Ironically, her name is kandy (with a k ). I told her that she had the body of a Bottachelli and she was putty in my hands. She was 17 so i wasn't really robbing the cradle. We had to keep our romance secret so there was a lot of secret hand holding under the lunch table. I would sneak her Twinkies and once in a while my Ding Dongs (if you know what i mean) and she would pay me back with her sweet caresses.
Sadly, another counselor busted us making out at the Mc Donald's parking lot and told Head Counselor Bucky, needless to say I wAs canned. I sure do miss long stares into those cupcAke eyes of hers. Last I heard she was seen shAring an ice cream soda with total jerk face Stanly. I also heard that she got even fatter. HA! HA! Pig!
WHA WHA Current Mood: crushed
|Wednesday, June 7th, 2006|
Today me and Justin went to the zoo to see the new Panda Bear, he was looking at me with a certain gleam in his eye. Tomorrow I'm going back.
|Wednesday, April 19th, 2006|
I'm in the shower, and I'm gonna put some conditioner in my chest hair after washing it. The conditioner's been left upside down, and I musta been squeezing it or something because as soon as I pop the little thing in the cap, it shoots out a tablespoon of white creamy conditioner across my face and chest. Current Mood: sexy
|Saturday, April 15th, 2006|
I really like the song "Eye of the Tiger" because believe you me I will arise up to the challenge of arrival. dammit.
|Friday, April 14th, 2006|
I found a jigsaw puzzle I did of a basket of kittens last year, I'm gonna glue it together and hang it on my wall. Yeah.
|Tuesday, April 4th, 2006|
I'm thinking about getting my eyebrows waxed to look like George Hamilton, because he's my hero and everything. Current Mood: horney
Today I went to Super Cuts to get that sweet Garth Brookes look, after the perm and dry finished I went to Rodney's Cowboy Palace and purchased some real tight Wrangler jeans and cowboy hat. I was walking down the sidewalk and fell because the pavement was uneven, the unfortunate part is that I ripped my new found jeans, stupid! stupid! stupid! Current Mood: annoyed
|Thursday, March 9th, 2006|
did you know that if you stick a ju ju bee up your nose it could get stuck?
I do now.
Remember the musical starring the oh so talented Donny Osmand? Joseph and the Electric Dream Coat. I saw it the other night and was blown away by the coat. Mom and I went to Jo Ann Fabrics today and she's gonna make me one, yippppeeeee! The babes will not to be able to resist the Torker this time!
I sneaked some of mom's spray on tan and I like to tell people I just got in from Bermuda. Justin says I look like an Ompah Loompah, but screw him, he's just jealous because he doesn't look as tan and sleak as me.
Also, I discoverd this great cologne called Paco Rabone, my old math teach used to wear it and it's just heavenly. I like to spray at least ten squirts on.
So between my new Dream Coat, tan and cologne, I will be unstoppable!
|Saturday, February 25th, 2006|
All last week me and Justin were combing the local High School parking lots for foxes we could party with. We met two chicks and they invited us to the friday night gym dance. I was doing the jitterbug and accidentally kicked Justin in the nuts. He says he hates me now but he always says that. Current Mood: accomplished
|Friday, February 17th, 2006|
About 3 hours ago Justin bet me I couldn't eat 2 entire cans of Costco brand baked beans, they family size cans 32 ounces of bean goodness each. Well I proved him wrong, it only took me 20 minutes to scarf down all of it. Stupid me, I actually forgot to bet Justin anything.... so I didn't win anything but some pride in my feat. Well I'm not feeling so well now, mom threw me out of the house after I started fumigating the place, I'm at the library posting this in fact. People sure are giving me funny looks and avoiding my computer area. haha losers. I'm going to research competative eating now, I could be a contender! Current Mood: gassy
|Monday, February 13th, 2006|
I have been trying out this new rapper look that has recently hit the fashion world in my town. I wear my pants down really low, the problem is that when I walk I look like a penguin. I was at Walmart yesterday and due to the low pants I fell down in the underwear isle in front of this old lady. She gave me a dirty look and I said to her, "look woman, I'm a gangsta and I can cut you". Unfortunately, she told the manager and I was detained in the back room for an hour. But still, I look sweet in my baggy, low pants.
|Monday, February 6th, 2006|
I'm seriously thinking about taking up the kazoo and starting a jug band. Me and Justin have been in the metal band for almost a year and still don't have a sweet record deal, what's up with that??? I thought for sure it would happen in the first few months, I mean look at Winger they got signed right away.
|Thursday, February 2nd, 2006|
I was farming my ants the other day and Ziggy my favorite turned on me. He bit me! I could have squashed him like a nut but instead I forgave him. I put him back with the rest of the pack but seriously, no more bike rides with me again.
I was rollerskating in the park today and fell down, when I got up I noticed I had dog crap on my bum. I had to skate all the way back home and this total fox saw this crap on my ass!
Me and Justin are about to go down to the 7 11 and get some scratch offs. I am feeling really lucky.
|Tuesday, January 31st, 2006|
Does it mean that I'm gay just because I like to put on pantyhose and listen to Donna Summer while I vacuum?
Justin says I am.
I know for a fact he does the same thing.
Lately, I have been really getting into the Mary Tyler show. Today I was in town riding on my Kick n Go and borrowed mom's scarf and hat. I stopped by old man Bill's hardware store and threw my hat off in the air and spinned around. It was sweet.
|Tuesday, January 24th, 2006|
I saw something on Oprah today about a bird flu. It scared the hell out of me, from now on I will wear my astronaut suit/ custume that I got for Halloween 4 years ago. Current Mood: scared